So, for those of you who know me really well, you probably already know that I am overwhelmed. When I get overwhelmed with things I tend to withdraw myself and crawl into my deep dark hole and become anti-social. Hence the no blogging and lack of FB posts of late.
What am I overwhelmed with? Life in general I guess. Work stress, home stress, training stress, and alot of health stress. I am still hanging on to those 5 kidney stones that I learned of almost three weeks ago now. For the most part the pain is controlled, but I have good days and bad days. I go back to the doctor for more x-rays on Monday and I'm hoping he just tells me to schedule surgery. On top of that our St. Patty's day festivities led to a nasty cold/virus that has kept me on the DL for the last four days. Apparently I am too old to have fun anymore.
So all this has left my training less than ideal. I have two big races coming up that really weren't planned out that well to begin with. I am doing the Glass City Marathon at the end of April and Rev3 Knoxville 70.3 two weeks later. This was my first time putting together a training plan on my own. Usually Matt does our training plans, but since we are not doing the same races this year we can't have the same training plan anymore. So, I took the easy route and basically took a 70.3 plan and an advanced marathon plan and smushed them together, removing only the 70.3 runs and subbing them with the marathon runs. Yeah, I guess this is the complete wrong way to do things. Turns out the advanced marathon plan has runs 6 days a week and doesn't account for any cross training. So, pretty much I was doing two intense workouts a day, every day, with no rest days.
I actually did really good with this plan at first, but as life started piling on, I got behind on workouts and started feeling guilty and overwhelmed. Enter my shutdown/withdraw myself from life mode. When I miss a workout I am really hard on myself and feel super guilty about it until I make it up. So instead of doing the two workouts a day, I was doing one workout one day and three the next until pretty much all hell broke loose and I began missing alot of key workouts.
Matt has seen and felt the wrath of my frustrations, so we stat down yesterday and he put together a new plan for me. My original goal was to try and PR (sub 4 hrs) at the marathon and just do the 70.3 as a fun race to start the tri-season off. I think I have dug myself a hole too deep to do either of these so as of right now I have no current time goals. My only goal is to finish both and to try and not be disappointed with my performance. It's still really early in the season and I have plenty of time to focus on other races.
I don't know why I am putting so much pressure on myself this year. I think being part of the Rev3 team makes me want to be as good as everyone else, to prove myself. I really need to take ten giant steps back and just be me...be happy with myself, who I am, and be happy with my accomplishments....if only it were that easy...sigh. Let's face it, triathlon isn't fun when you spend most of your time comparing yourself to everyone else. There will always be someone better, faster, stronger than me...and the sooner I get everyone else out of my head, the sooner this will become fun again!
11 comments:
Hey Heather--
Know how you feel. I am my own worst critic when it comes to this kind of thing, and I can definitely mirror your thoughts on everything coming together to create just an overall stressed out situation.
Here's the thing, IMO, with everything: The only person you have ANYTHING to prove to is yourself. The reason why I emphasize this is because it is what allows you to balance your stress levels. Remember, although triathlon and racing is a part of our life, it does not define us. It is what we do for fun! And that needs to stay in perspective.
It's also about learning to listen to yourself; to know when you need to take a break or three. You won't lose any fitness. In fact, it's during that recovery phase that you'll get faster! Your body needs that adaptation time. If you just keep piling on, you don't get the time you need to adapt to all that stress.
You seem like you've pieced it together well. Good luck! You'll be great.
Oh, and with being as good as everyone else on the team: You are. You definitely are. :D
Praying for you and sending lots of hugs your way!!
I can totally sympathize with feeling guilty and overwhelmed about being behind on workouts. My knee has been cranky since The Woodlands Half... and not being able to check off all the boxes on the ole training plan is just about doing me in. :/
Try to focus on the fact that you are awesome! You've accomplished amazing things in the past, and I know that more fabulously fun times await you in the future!
... And if you're still putting a ton of pressure on yourself (because, of course, that's what the Type A in us does no matter what), just think: Pressure makes diamonds. :)
I can completely relate. LIFE just gets to a point where all you want to do is back away and try to hit the reset button.
As far as training goes, just do what is best for you. That is the beauty of triathlon it is such an individual sport - impress yourself and don't worry about everyone else. (easier said than done, I know...)
Oh and that smushed run/tri plan. That is my standard way to get things done, I am certain any coach would look at that and shake their heads. LOL
I promise I did not pay Ryan to make that comment :) Sounds oddly familiar though? ;)
You will be back stronger than before!
Loved Jennie's comment, pressure makes diamonds ;)
You know why you are on the Rev3 team? It's because you are who you are and nobody else. If they wanted somebody else they would have taken somebody else so no need to compare yourself to anybody else.
Do what you need to do to make yourself smile at the end of a training day.
I can't top my wife's comment. She wins (what else is new).
Good luck with your training and finding ways to make it fun. Do I need to come back for another CP training day?? That was fun right? :)
You already have gotten great advice and nothing this relative newb could say that is better. Just wanted you to know I am thinking about you and hoping you can find the balance that you seem to be missing right now. (((HUGS)))
I felt the same way when I made the team last year. I did decent last season, but nothing ever felt like it was good enough. It was when I stopped trying to force it and became happy with what I was doing and all that was going on that everything fell into place, and I had a HUGE improvement. Focus on the important things and everything else will fall into place
Oh sweet girl... if only you knew how completely NOT alone you are! I am racing Knoxville too and feel like I've done anything but train. It happens. Life gets in the way sometimes. Sometimes we get in over our head. We need to remember why we do these sports... not because we want to make millions, but because we love them. Take a deep breath and know that you can do anything you put your mind to. So it might not be as fast as you once thought... eh, no one would ever consider judging you for that. :) Remember that glass city has beer at the finish line, and that Knoxville will be filled with friends on the course (*ahem* who will be struggling way more than you!) :)
I just want to hug you!! That sucks. I hope those kidney stones go away soon. They are so painful!!
Remember, we are always harder on ourselves than anyone else is on us - no one expects you to be the fastest one out there. Focus on the fact that triathlon is FUN. That is why we do it. Don't sacrifice fun for all the pressure of high performance.
I can't wait to see you guys in Maine!!
So I think I am a month late to this comment, but I hope you are relaxing into your season :-) Can't wait to see you in Knoxvill!
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